Does Anyone Else Smell Bacon?.....

To tan or not to tan, that's my question. Because the apartment I'm moving to has a bunch of these suckers. And I am freakishly pasty white. Now, I've tried laying out for days and days, trying to absorb those elusive rays to no effect. I smeared on tanning lotion, bronzer, self-tanner, thought about using crisco, but have gotten NO TAN. And, on the other hand, theres a little thing called skin cancer. Which is worse - blinding innocent bystanders with reflective sun rays off your legs in the summer or a little skin cancer here and there? Jonathan calls me "Alabaster", as if that's gonna make me feel any better. Webster's Official Online Dictionary defines Alabaster as "usually white and translucent", and the even more assuring "hard, translucent and sometimes banded". GREAT! So he's saying that I'm white, translucent and he's wishing vericose veins on me? At least the "hard" bit could be translated as "she works out"..... Oh, who am I kidding. I don't work out.

So, this summer, I will probably push all those skin cancer thoughts to the waaay back of my mind and take full advantage of the beds. And then I'll post a picture of me with my fakebake tan, so you can be impressed. Oh, wait a minute - that IS me - up there - in the tanning bed. See - I HAVE been working out. Yeah, right.